Pizza...

Bloody awesome pizza

White bread flour
salt
olive oil
water

Mix to a nice dough. Make enough so that it will fill a baking tin of
depth about 2-3cm, when rolled out. Guess.

Let the dough rise.

Tomato sauce:
A little olive oil
3 cloves garlic
2 chillies
500g Passata/sieved tomatoes
salt and pepper
chopped marjoram/oregano
chopped basil

Fry garlic and chilli. Add tomato and reduce for a while. Season and
herb it up.

Roll out the dough. Place in the tin.
Spread tomato to an inch of the edge.
Add a scattering of mixed seafood.
Throw on a few raw king prawns
Throw on some large pieces of mozzarella
Add Black Pepper

Bake in a preheated oven (230'C) for about 12 minutes
Turn oven down to 200 for 5 minutes.

Eat.

Mutton-stuffed squash

1 small squash per person. Best are the ones shaped like peppers which
will stand upright.

Leftover roast mutton (see above) cut into small pieces. Beef would also work.
Leeks (the green tops), very finely sliced.
1-2 cloves garlic.
English mustard
Tomato puree
S+P

Fry leeks gently in a little oil. Add garlic and some water, and
cover. Cook until leek is soft. Add the mustard and tomato puree. Cook
a while. Add mutton and cook for a short while. Season well.

Cut the top off the squashes. Fill with the mutton mixture. Bake at
about 180'C until the squash is squashy.

Fucking lovely and no mistake.

Slow roast mutton

1 shoulder of mutton ~3.5kg
6 cloves garlic
sage
thyme
rosemary
salt and black pepper
olive oil
2 or 3 donkey carrots

Finely chop all garlic and herbs, and mix to a thick paste with olive
oil, a big pinch of salt and plenty of black pepper.
Rub this all over the mutton.

Roast for 25 minutes on a trivet, at 250'C.
Cut the carrots into very large chunks (e.g. halves). Place in the roasting tin.
Pour about 1/2 a pint of water into the bottom of the tin.
Then cover the top of the meat tightly with one layer of foil. Cover
the whole thing with a second layer.
Turn the oven down to 110'C and roast it all day (at least 8 hours).

When you're ready, drain the liquid from the pan and skim off the fat.
Make some of this into a gravy with a butter/flour roux to thicken.
Add some mint jelly and chopped mint leaves.

Serve with mash and veg.

Dorset naga chicken livers

Serves 1 stupid masochistic bastard

About 5 chicken livers
3 large cloves garlic
2 ripe dorset naga chillies
1 tbsp tomato puree
butter
olive oil

Heat butter and oil, add well chopped garlic and chilli.
Add livers and fry on one side (2-3 minutes).
When the livers are browned on one side flip them over. Fry for about 1 minute.
Add tomato puree and a little water to make a thick, red sauce.

Serve on a hot baked potato.

chilli and lime spice cream

~600ml Double Cream (extra thick)
~600ml Jersey milk
2 green dorset naga chillies (a _lot_ of heat!)
2 limes
100g sugar
4 egg yolks
1 tsp arrowroot
1 vanilla pod

finely chop chilli and infuse with milk for 2 days
juice and zest the limes, add to eggs, sugar and arrowroot: blitz until blended
Heat the chilli milk with a vanilla pod until nearly boiling.
Add to eggs over a double boiler until it thickens.
Allow to cool, then refridgerate and add the cream.
Turn it into ice cream using an ice cream machine or by hand.

A right arse-burner.

Pork pot-roast with cider and orange

Serves 10 (or 1 greedy pig)

1 boned and rolled pork loin, about 2.5kg.
6 small red onions, chopped
5 cloves garlic, roughly crushed
Plenty of mixed fresh herbs (rosemary, lots of sage and thyme: still
on their stalks)
1 440g tin tomatoes / 1/2 a tin + some puree
3 cans cider (something with plenty of flavour e.g. Scrumpy Jack)
Zest of 1 orange, half roughly chopped, half finely
Olive Oil
Salt, Pepper

Fry the onion slowly in a pot large enough for the pork, with plenty
of olive oil: don't let it brown.

Season the pork well, and brown fast in a roasting tin / ovenproof
dish, about 20 minutes in a very hot oven, (230+ 'C).

Remove the pork from the roasting tin and place in the pot with the
onions. Add herbs, tomato, roughly chopped orange zest and garlic.

Deglaze the pan you browned the pork in with cider, which should
produce a deep red/brown coloured liquid if you browned the pork
enough. Add this to the pot.

Add the remaining cider and water enough to cover at least half the pork joint.

Cook slowly, covered, on a very low hob or in a slow oven @ ~110-120'C
for about 2 to 3 hours. Baste the pork occasionally with the cooking
liquid, and turn the joint over halfway through the cooking process.

When you're bored with that, remove the pork, and keep it warm. Strain
the cooking liquid, pressing as much out of the onions etc as you can.
Reduce this very very hard until it's gloopy, then add the finely
chopped orange zest. Adjust for sweetness etc to taste.

Slice the pork thickly into a deep heatproof serving dish and cover
with the sauce. This can be kept warm in the oven while you prepare
veg.

Rabbit stew

A fairly basic but very very tasty recipe.

1 rabbit, with giblets
Unsmoked bacon (from a piece) cut into small bitesize chunks
1 white onion
1/2 a red onion
2 sticks celery
1 carrot
2 bay leaves
Rosemary
1 large glass white wine
1 tsp dijon mustard
1 tsp tomato puree
flour, pepper, olive oil

Remove the giblets from the rabbit. Roughly chop the heart and kidneys
and reserve the liver.
Joint the rabbit.
In the cooking pot, fry rabbit giblets (except the liver), with the bacon.
Add onion, fry a little while.
Add the tomato puree, allow to darken for about a minute. Add the
other veg, herbs, and mustard.
Lightly dust the rabbit pieces with flour and pepper liberally. Fry
until well browned in a frying pan then add to the pot. Deglaze the
pan with white wine. Add enough water to cover the meat, stir, and
turn the heat down to slowly simmer for 2 hours.

While the stew is cooking, chop and fry the liver. Serve it to
yourself on a piece of toast.

Serve the stew with potatoes and veg.

'Singapore style' stir fry

This probably has nothing to do with Singapore style. But it is yellow.

Dried chillies
4* Star anise
Ground Turmeric (~1 tsp)
Ginger (finely chopped)
Honey
Dark soy sauce
Mixed veg (brocolli, bean sprouts, baby corn, carrot, red onion, sugar
snap peas etc)
King Prawns (frozen already cooked one)
Garlic (finely chopped)
Spring onion, sliced

Heat oil in a wok. Add the star anise and chilli and let it infuse in
the hot oil for a while. Remove the star anise, and the chilli too if
you're a wuss.

Add turmeric and ginger. Fry for a while. Add the honey, veg, and some
soy sauce, and a little water. Stir and fry. When almost done, add
garlic, prawns, spring onion.

Toss with noodles which you cooked in turmeric and soy sauce laden water.

Chinese pork and vegetable stir fry

serves 2

the pork
about 300g diced pork (big pieces)
ground cinnamon (about 1/2 tsp)
5-spice powder (about 1/2 tsp)
black pepper
shaosing wine
dark soy sauce
sesame oil
1/2 a red onion roughly chopped
5 cloves garlic, finely chopped
4 spring onions, sliced
Fresh coriander

Marinate meat with all the ingredients but two of the spring onions
for 2 hours. Then brown the meat cubes very quickly (but well browned)
in the wok. Add the onion pieces and brown them too. Put the lot in a
saucepan and add the rest of the marinade. Cook gently for about
10-15mins until pork is done. Add fresh coriander and spring onions
just before you serve

Veg stir fry
1 knob ginger finely chopped
Soy sauce
Water
Mixed Vegetables (carrot, brocolli, baby corn, bean sprouts, etc)
Garlic (lots) finely chopped
Sugar

Fry the ginger. Add soy and a little water. Put the veg in in order of
how much cooking they need. Add garlic and sugar towards the end.

Serve both together with some nice noodles.

Delicious spaghetti meatballs

Serves 2.

Meatballs:

about 250g minced beef
about 100g cold cooked (roast) pork
1/2 onion, very finely chopped
1 egg yolk
Salt and Pepper.
Olive oil, grapeseed oil.

Whizz the ingredients in a blender until it all sticks together. Form
into meat balls and fry in the oil until very well browned.

Sauce:

Olive oil
5 cloves garlic
1 tin tomatoes
basil leaves

Grate or mash the garlic, fry briefly in some olive oil, add tomatoes,
cook slowly until reduced and pulpy. Add torn basil leaves at the last
minute before serving.

To serve:

Combine some cooked spaghetti with sauce, arrange meatballs on top.

Breakfast Carbonara

To do this recipe correctly you need to be a little bit hung over, and
not have any bread with which to make a 'normal' toasty breakfast.

Wholewheat Penne pasta
1 leek (finely sliced)
1 large clove garlic (grated/mashed/crushed etc.)
1 rasher smoked dry-cure bacon (chopped into small dice)
1 egg (organic)
1 generous slice cornish blue cheese
E-V Olive Oil
Butter

First fill the kettle, and boil it. Then fill a pot with the boiling
water, some salt, and a couple of handfuls of Penne.

Very very gently fry the leek in a little oil, in a large pot. If it
burns, you'll be really pissed off, so go slow, and turn the heat down
and cover the pan when it's about halfway there.

Now heat some more olive oil (only a little) in a frying pan. Add the
garlic, frying gently -- the last thing you want in this recipe is a
burnt garlic flavour. Now add the bacon and allow it to colour a
little. Add bacon and garlic to the leek, and add a good knob of
butter and the cheese to that. Check the pasta.

When the pasta is suitably al dente, drain, rinse and add to the
sauce. Now add that egg and with the heat turned way down or off, mix
well so the egg forms a sort of sauce.

Devour, then cycle to work. (This is a very good cold weather breakfast!)

Pickled onion mackerel

1 large mackerel
1 onion
~1/2 cup tarragon vinegar
Olive Oil
Salt

Slice the onion and soak for about 30 minutes in the vinegar.
Cut the mackerel in half lengthways (turn on its back and cut to one
side of the spine).

Arrange the mackerel skin-side up, on top of the onion, in an
ovenproof dish. Pour the vinegar into the dish. Sprinkle a little salt
over the fish and a little olive oil on the skin.

Cook under a medium grill until the skin is nicely browned and the
flesh is cooked throughout.

Lentil moussaka

One onion, chopped finely
1/2 a bulb fennel, and some of the fronds, chopped
2 large cloves garlic, mashed
1 tsp Paprika
1 tsp Smoked Paprika
1 tablespoon Tomato puree
1 tsp Cumin seeds
a few shakes Worcestershire sauce (optional)
about 2 cups Puy lentils
One medium aubergine
One large (baking) potato
One tin tomatoes
Chilli oil (optional)
Parmesan Cheese
Butter or Oil
Olive oil
Salt, Black Pepper

Fry the onion in some olive oil, then add fennel and garlic and fry
until softened. Add the paprika and fry for 30 seconds or so. Add the
tomato puree and stir and fry until it dries out slightly. Now add
cumin, lentils, Worcestershire sauce, and enough water to cover the
lentils. Cook slowly until the lentils are done.

Meanwhile, score the aubergine skins and slice into ~0.5cm slices.
Salt, and leave in a colander or sieve for about 30minutes, then rinse
and pat dry.
Slice the potato into rounds as thinly as possible.

When the lentils are done, put about half in an ovenproof dish. Lay
the aubergine slices on top in a layer. Roughly break up the tinned
tomatoes and layer them over the aubergines. Pour the tomato juice
evenly over the aubergines. Drizzle with chilli oil, and thoroughly
sprinkle with Black Pepper.
Now top with the remaining lentils.
Layer the potato slices over the top. Add grated parmesan liberally,
and dot with very small knobs of butter or drizzle a little oil over.

Bake for 30-40m in a medium oven until all bubbly and golden brown on top

Pineapple pork noodle stew

Rolled pork loin joint
1 large leek
1 large carrot
~4 star anise
~1 teaspoon paprika
1 cinnamon stick
some dry chillies (whole, not crushed!)
dark soy sauce
rice wine
rice vinegar
chicken stock
water
1 large piece (eg a slice about 1-2inch thick) pineapple

Arrowroot or cornflour

Udon or other noodles.
Green veg (eg. Spinach or similar asian veg)

Brown the joint well in a frying pan or on a griddle.
Pour over some soy sauce halfway through the browning process.

Chop the leek and place in a chicken brick. Add roughly sliced carrot,
spices and liquids.
Place the browned joint on top. Expect the water to come maybe halfway
up the meat.

Cook in a very low oven (100-120C) for about 3-4 hours. The pork
should be well done but still very tender and moist.
Then, or on the next day, remove the meat and slice into bitesized
pieces. Also remove any hard spices. The chillies will probably have
rehydrated by this point and may be edible if you like that sort of
thing, but remove them if not serving to the cognoscenti!

Thicken the sauce with a little arrowroot or cornflour. Add the
noodles and cook until al dente. Then add the meat back to the
pan. Chop the pineapple into bitesized chunks and stir that in too.
Most of the sauce should have been absorbed by the noodles.

Serve in bowls with dark green vegetables stirfried with garlic, eat
with chopsticks.

Pork and Cider hotpot

Get a pork leg joint, rolled and tied.
Brown well on all sides in a frying pan with Olive Oil, and place in a
casserole dish.
Add a very roughly chopped (big pieces) onion to the pan with a squirt
of tomato puree, and fry with a little more oil.
Add a roughly chopped leek.
When the veg looks a little softer, add to the casserole with the pork.
Add about 2/3pt medium-dry cider to the frying pan and deglaze
(bringing to the boil).
Pour the cider over the meat and veg.
Add some game stock (or chicken or pork stock) to just cover the ingredients.
Add a large sprig of sage, and three cloves garlic (peeled and bruised).
Season with salt and pepper, cook in a low oven for 1 hour or so.

(meanwhile cook 1 pumpkin, chopped, with some water and milk and
cinnamon stick until soft. Mash.)

When everything's tender, remove the meat and cover with foil on a
plate to rest.
Make a roux with butter, olive oil and a little plain flour. Add cold
cider to this, mixing, until it's a thick paste. Then add some of the
gravy from the meat and pour back into the pot.
Stir to thicken.
Carve the meat into bite sized pieces, pouring any juices into the
pot. Return the meat to the pot and reheat everything gently.

Very garlicky chicken pasta

you will need
lots of garlic
a tin of tomatoes
a little leftover roast chicken
pasta
oil, butter

gently heat olive oil and butter, very gently fry about 10 cloves of
garlic, crushed. Add a tin of tomatoes and cook very slowly until
almost all the liquid has evaporated. Add a handful of chopped cold
chicken. Serve with spaghetti.

Meaty balls

450g minced beef
1 garlic clove minced
1/2 a small onion very finely chopped
1 egg yolk
small sprigs of sage, rosemary, thyme very finely chopped
pepper
cayenne
salt

Mix these together and roll into balls

1 onion
3 cloves garlic finely chopped
1/2 red pepper diced
1/2 green pepper diced
2 sticks celery, chopped
2 bay leaves
Herbes de provence
dried chillies
2 cans tomatoes

Fry onion slowly, add garlic. Add chilli bay, herbs, pepper and
celery, cook a little while. Add tomatoes and cook for a while.

Meanwhile brown meatballs well in a frying pan. Add to the mixture and
turn the heat down. Serve with spaghetti.

Venison stew

Feeds 4 or so

1lb venison (stewing meat - cubes of neck etc)
celery
onion
turnip
garlic
carrot
red wine (Rioja?) - about 2 glasses
a slosh of worcester sauce
flour
olive oil
salt+pepper
good chicken stock
- - (homemade!... well roasted chicken carcasses, onion, garlic,
celery, carrot, fresh thyme, simmer gently for 4 hours then reduce)

Slowly fry onion in olive oil until translucent. Add diced celery,
sliced carrot, cubed turnip, crushed garlic and fry for a bit. Brown
the meat very well in a frying pan and add to the veg. Then deglaze
the pan with red wine, bringing to the boil and adding to the pan with
the stock, to cover. Cook slowly for 2 hours. Make a roux with a
little oil and some flour. Ladle off as much of the stock as possible,
blend with the roux and reduce very fast with some wine.

serve with boiled potatoes and red cabbage.

--

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not
giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ~Albert Einstein

Curry Roast Monkfish

This was very very good.

First take 6kg pale malted barley and 56g of Target hops, add 4l of
water at 50'C, stir and rest 20m. Now add 8l of boiling water, bring
to 60'C, stir well, and prepare your monkfish.

Take 1 clove of garlic, slice into slivers and stud into the monkfish
tail much as you would for a leg of lamb. Sprinkle lightly with olive
oil, salt, a little chilli powder. a little smoked paprika, and 1tsp
curry powder. Place in a roasting dish with some cold boiled potatoes
and sliced tomatoes. Roast for 30m in a 220'C oven.

When the fish is nearly ready, add 8l of 80'C water to the mash. Stir
well. Rest for about 25 minutes (this should bring it to about 70'C
but it didn't. Adjust as necessary with boiling water / direct heat).

Eat fish served with lovely steamed samphire.

Continue making beer.